A Mother’s Day Letter.

Dear Birth Mother,
I have no idea what you are doing right now or even where you are. But know, you are on my heart, especially today. Today I celebrate not just one mother, but two. Two mothers who have been there for me in different ways. One has nurtured and taken care of me since I was 2 months and the other is you. You carried me in your womb for 9 months. You endured the swollen ankles, the buying or getting of new clothes to fit your growing belly over the three trimesters, and most of all the giving up of me when I did enter the world after probably a grueling labor of several hours.

I don’t know much about you but enough to feel incredibly thankful every day for you. A woman who not only decides to not have an abortion but also goes through the hard process of giving the child up after birth is to be respected. It must have been strange to walk out of hospital empty handed. To give away your maternity clothes and see the belly go back down after baby. I admire your courage in your decision and your love for me which translated to giving me up for adoption.

So today, you are on my heart. I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day because I would not be here if it wasn’t for you. Thank you for wanting me. Thank you for choosing life. Thank you for giving me up for adoption. I may not know you but my love and gratitude for you is overflowing. <3

milestones, miles away, & musings

I reached a milestone a couple days ago. I finished my first year of college classes and my junior year of high school. I cannot believe that this fall I’m going to be a senior. These high school years go by *SO* fast! I also move in exactly TWENTY days. We are scheduled to leave on the 22nd of this month! AHH! So much to do and SO little time! I’m in the point of the moving process where I’m feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at how many things I will leave behind, pack up, or put in storage. Overwhelmed at how many things I have in my possession. Overwhelmed mainly at how many people I love I am leaving behind.

I am leaving behind some of the most precious people I’ve ever known. These friends have seen me at my worst. They have seen me in tears. They have seen me angry. They have seen me smile and laugh. Most of all, they never left. Maybe I don’t see a lot of them on a daily basis but every time we get back together, it’s like we were never parted. I can’t count the number of times I’ve cried about leaving my friends behind. (choking back tears right now!) The best thing is, I know they will be still here for me. We may not live in the same neighborhood or state, but I can still count on them. So yes, I will bawl my eyes out when I leave but how much sweeter the reunion will be. Plus I will be visiting at one time or another, so I will not completely be out of their lives:)

How does she keep popping up in my blogposts?! Oh yeah, she’s one of the best friends ever.

Off to prom with one of my favorite people ever (aka Anna, pictured above) tomorrow night! Pictures to come this weekend or next week!

Great is His Faithfulness

Over the last few days, I have felt both down emotionally and especially thankful. Two experiences stand out from this week especially.
1.) Registering for classes at my new school! The day registration opened, I ran into some snags and just felt like nothing was going right. Went out for coffee the day after with a dear friend and was renewed by her words as well the scripture and prayers she spoke over me. I came home and hopped on to register and it was *that* easy. Reminded me that God plans and ordains each step of this journey called life, and he knew I needed to be reminded that HE was in control.

2.) Prom dress shopping! A few weeks ago, My mom, a good friend, and I all embarked on this epic journey. Spend most of that day and found nothing. Fast forward to a couple days ago, my mom and I spend about 4 or 5 hours and found nothing. Today God reminded me yet again that He had everything under control as I FOUND.A.DRESS. *EEEEEK!!!*
(I am saving pictures to post on the blog till the event itself on May 3rd…)

Thank you God! Great is YOUR faithfulness!

Senior Session// Anna

I consider myself extremely blessed to know Anna. I met her last summer and feel like we’ve been best friends for years. She gets me. She understands me. She laughs with me and mostly at me, but i don’t care. I’m a bundle of awkwardness and she doesn’t care. We insult each other like nobody’s business. We laugh at stupid things. Most weekends we hang out since she lives ten minutes away from my house. We like to walk 20 minutes to the Target downtown and try on outrageously high heels for fun. We tend to get lost in the city. Anna always has great discussion points up her sleeve. She challenges me to think differently about life. She LOVES Jesus. Most of all, Anna is the best friend you could ever want and she’s on a mission NOT to waste her life. I love her.
Take a peek below at one of my favorite pictures of my beautiful bestie. Go to Godward Photography for the rest!

{taken by a Nikon L110; North Central University, April 3, 2013}

they are here!

I’m weirdly excited to have them and I’m not in too much pain or discomfort! Thanks for all your prayers for my braces and most of all, for moving. That’s now at the forefront of my brain and I’ve had some hard days and good days. All in all, a lot of tears have already been shed. I’m ready yet not. Excited but sad. God is still good!

do not fear.

As I enter the unknown [moving in about 2 & 1/2 months], one verse sticks out to me, and has, ever since I made it my life verse years ago.

FEAR NOT. for I am with YOU. Be not dismayed, for I am your GOD.
I will STRENGTHEN you. I will HELP you. I will UPHOLD you with my righteous right hand.
isaiah 41:10

beautiful things

Her.

This.

*taken via iphone at Passion 2013 earlier this month*

Them.

Oh and her.

And one more of my sister from another family.

See more at facebook.com/godwardphotography

life decisions

I’ve been thinking a lot about life decisions. For starters, I make a lot of bad ones. (one example on my mind… not wearing retainers long enough translates into having braces put back on) But, we can choose to wallow in what could have been or we can move forward. Did I (do!) feel guilty for what I did? yes. But God loves me still and I’ve been forgiven. And I can, by his good and perfect grace, move forward into this new and slightly scary chapter of life!
And then take good life decisions which usually do not result in bad consequences but sometimes result in hard change. Or saying no to something we really love. Or going your separate ways from a damaging friendship or relationship. It may be hard but God knows it is good for us.
The main reason I was thinking about life decisions is not really having to do with either of the paragraphs above. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. In about 3 months 7 days I will be done with my junior year. In about 3 months and 8 days (Not exact, just around that time) I will be picking up and moving with my family for 14 months. In about 8 months 16 days I will be turning 18. The legal age for voting and when supposedly you are an adult? whatever, I will still be coloring disney princess coloring books.
And now I have to really think about colleges and what I want to be when I grow up:) Originally I wanted to be a high school counselor for girls. I still want to be that but now I wonder if I should go into some sort of counseling for girls rescued from the sex slavery. Or what about young women thinking of having an abortion or have already had one? that would be another option. So now I have no idea which one I want to go into. I know I will most likely major in Psychology and minor in maybe child development or such… but where to go from there? so many life decisions.
Amidst all this change, I have never felt more at peace with God. He knows what’s going on and he ordained everything in my life. He has a better purpose and plan for my life then I could ever have! He ordained that I would get braces again. That doesn’t surprise him! He ordained that we are moving. That doesn’t surprise him either! And he knows exactly what I’m supposed to do with my life. The reality is that I don’t need to worry about what others say or think about my life, I am HIS and He is mine!

of birthdays & such

My dad is 67 today. So thankful for him and his love for his grandchildren & children!

I’ve just been informed by wordpress that today (or a few days ago) marks 3 years of being registered on wordpress! Of course I’ve had my blog longer and have loved these past years of wordpress. Definitely glad I made the switch from blogspot to wordpress.

My birthday is exactly 8 months, 28 days, 22 hours, and 34 minutes & counting away. This is the year I turn 18. I don’t know how i feel about growing up.

And in just about four months I leave the only home I’ve ever known. Moving for about 14 months. Location not public right now.

Even in all this change and growing up and getting older, Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. The constant in the very changing life I live. Praise his name!

2012 : a year in review

As I look back over this year, one thing (out of many!) has stood out to me. My blog has really matured as this year I took on more and more serious and personal blog posts. The comments have been amazing! The views… incredible! The fact that many of you are reading from MANY other countries just blows me away. God is so good to me and I’m glad i’m able to share the many ways he has blessed me with all of you. As tomorrow dawns as the last day of 2012, remember that God has been faithful and he will continue to be faithful still over 2013 and forever. What a beautiful and comforting thought going into the New Year!
A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
enjoy the year in review wordpress put together of my year of blogging…

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 17,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.